SHARING THE MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS ADVOCACY, HERE’S A 4-PART STORY OF A LADY, CLINICALLY DIAGNOSED WITH MANIC BIPOLAR DISORDER 1. BASED ON A TRUE STORY.
Things took a turn for the worse as 2016 turned into 2017. This was the statistics of my life: I moved six times from apartment to apartment within 1 year. I switched jobs every quarter so that’s four companies. I accumulated over P60,000 in debt. I added 6 more men into my body count. I cheated on my deadbet, cheating ex boyfriend with another guy. Then I also broke up with him and fell hopelessly in love with the guy I was cheating with. Big surprise when he also left me six months later. I really thought that this was normal at the time. Clearly, I was deluded. It was a very confusing time because it had a huge resemblance to a normal life. I could afford to pay for my apartment, I did have a job that lasted longer than six months and I was seeing my psychiatrist regularly. I never skipped my medications. I also started seeing a psychologist in CEFAM just so I could talk about the things that was happening because my friends from my Facebook support group suggested psychotherapy. They noticed that I was talking about suicide more often and they were worried for me because I’d be alone in my studio apartment for long periods of time. I admit that I drank a lot, had sex a lot and then started smoking a lot. I lived like I had nothing to lose and I accepted that I could die anytime. The mania ceased one day. Depression didn’t follow. Instead, I was hollow and empty. Day after day, I lived on autopilot. It was like I just got tired of being who I was so I decided to leave the cockpit. At least that’s how I thought of it. I tried to enjoy being single. I went home more often to my family. I gave up my apartment and started living in a dorm. I went to travel and I hiked up a mountain. I still didn’t feel happy.
My treatment plan became more final: meds, psychiatrist, psychologist and routine. I gained a lot of weight. I kept an app to track my mood. I slept more than 10 hours everyday. I practice self-care. I accept that I have bipolar disorder. The mood swings started to lessen. My attitude and behavior also improved because the aggression slowly faded. I started to become more optimistic about the future. Things really turned around in June 2018. It was like a switch went off. I got a better job, I moved to BGC, I had more money and I lived in a dorm that really close to work. My relationship with my family improved. I met a guy whom I can date exclusively and not feel threatened. I was also performing very well at this job with my newfound friends. Of course, it’s too good to be true because it was hypomania coinciding with good luck. During that time, I drank even more often and I started smoking 8 sticks per day. I also slept with other guys on the side whom I met through Tinder. I ate even more unhealthy food. I did tons of overtime because I had so much energy. I was having a good time and I enjoyed it.
TO BE CONTINUED…
NOELLA CAMILLE BONILLA TUMESA
A 29 year old writer, clinically diagnosed with Bipolar 1 Disorder.
Currently living in Manila, and enjoying life as an “almost” tita.